It's not you, it's me.

Have you found yourself wondering why you get frustrated when speaking with some people?

When this happens, take sometime to reflect afterwards to see what was it about the conversation you found frustrating, and how this made you feel regarding the conversation. Were you feeling shut down or did you find yourself getting angry?

If we don’t take the time to identify our blocks and triggers when dealing with people, it will become more difficult for us to engage effectively in the conversation as the emotional response interferes with our analytical thinking skills.

If you find yourself being frustrated in a conversation, first take a deep breath. Have a drink of coffee, bite of your food, and take that deliberate moment to recognize that you are feeling this response, and acknowledge that there will be some effort and patience required to carry on without sabotaging the conversation on yourself. Remember this is all about you, and your response to external stimuli.

Recognize as well that the actual timing of the conversation may be what is impeding your ability to approach the conversation without being triggered or blocked. It may be that you need to deffer the conversation, perhaps your internal balance is off, hungry, time constraint, not able to make a decision that you are being asked to make, perhaps you have had a drink, or are tired, unwell, or were caught off guard by the conversation as a whole.

Next, and this can be the part people believes makes them vulnerable, but in fact gives helps the most in a difficult conversation - share this.

By sharing how we are reacting to the conversation, by how we are feeling, and it is making us feel, the other person can begin to understand why they are not having success in the conversation, and you can work together to create a better environment for it.

Additionally if you are frustrated because of the style of communication the person has that rubs you the wrong way, remember - that is your problem to work around. Look beyond how you are feeling, recognize and acknowledge that you are challenged, then rise to it, by using good communication skills to help the other person shine in their messaging. By supporting them and modelling good skills you demonstrate respect, recognition and build trust in the relationship that you can use towards making more effective patterns of communication in the relationship. This takes effort, and may not always work.

Recognition that you are the only person you have control over and the only person you can change however will help you grow interpersonally, and help lesson those blocks and triggers as you become more effective at recognizing and sidestepping them in the first place.

So take a deep breath, and remember: its not you, its me.

You got this.

Trish MorotoComment